And I am a milk hoarder.
I have twelve ounces in my fridge and sixteen ounces in my freezer. And I don’t want to use any of it… Just in case, you know?
There, I admitted it.
I had breastfeeding difficulties with Dean. We ended up solely on formula for two months between 5-7 months because my milk dried up. My son wasn’t gaining very well early on so I was encouraged to start solids early. Which then made him nurse less. Which then caused less milk supply. Which then meant less gaining. Which meant more solids. And that meant less nursing. And less milk. And more solids… See the issue? And that was only PART of the issue. (You can read more about my breastfeeding issues here, if you feel so inclined)
So this time around, I am paranoid. I’ve been taking fenugreek and blessed thistle. I made lactation cookies. I’ve been having steel-cut oatmeal for breakfast four times a week, with a heaping scoop of Brewers Yeast and flaxseed added in. I’m drinking four BIG water bottles full of water. I’m pumping twice a day. I’m nursing both sides at each feed. I let him comfort nurse during the evenings when he’s fussy so it stimulates more milk.
Sammy has been gaining great. He is at the same weight at five weeks that my oldest weighed at 8 months old. He’s happy and content for three hours between feeds (two hours between in the evenings and five hours between overnight – he’s so well fed that he’s already on a schedule for eating!) He’s chunky. His rolls have rolls. It’s terrific. But it’s still not making me feel 100% satisfied that I am producing enough milk.
So I stash whatever extra I can. I have an oversupply and I’m taking full advantage of that.
But I find it so hard to dip into that stash and use it for top ups, for ease of feeding while out and about and for my husband to take over a feed so I can get an extra bit of sleep. I want to seal it up (in those lovely little freezer bags I had from my first that I couldn’t use because pumping didn’t work for me and my lack of milk) and lock it in the deep freeze. And then hope he binges on it in five months before it expires… Because I can’t stand the idea of having to pour that liquid gold down the drain.
I know I can’t be alone. Does anyone else have a stash that is getting out of hand? I feel like if I keep this up I am going to open my freezer one day and get buried under an avalanche of boob-juice, but at the same time, I just keep pumping and nursing, keeping the milk tucked away for a rainy (well, in my case, dry…) day.
And now, a cute photos of my kids.
(I can’t bring myself to post breastfeeding photos of myself, no matter how discreet and how tasteful the angle was – I would be mortified if friends in high school came across breastfeeding photos of me as a baby. Kudos to those that are comfortable doing so, but it’s not for me or my family.)