Murphy’s Law of Parenting

1. Wear a black shirt, they will wipe their nose on you. Wear white, they will throw up all over you.

2. Boast about your sleeping children and they will never nap again.

3. You’ll overpack for an outing (what do you mean we don’t need two changes of clothes and a weeks worth of meals for an hour trip to the playground?!) but you’ll forget something simple like diapers.

4. On mornings you don’t have nothing planned and want to sleep in, they wake early. On mornings you need get everyone up and out the door at a reasonable time, they will sleep in until noon.

5. You close the bathroom door and suddenly OMG I NEED HELP MOMMY will ring out from the other side as you sit on the toilet.

6. If you stay up an extra hour, they will wake four times during the night.

7. Fevers and suspected ear infections will happen on a Friday at 6pm. Before a long weekend.

8. Your kids will scream, cry, whine and beg for constant attention, causing you to ditch any and all household items you hoped to accomplish. And they will be perfect angels ten seconds until daddy gets home, making you seem like a liar about how hard the day was.

9. Baby will fall asleep as you pull into the driveway.

10. If you can get baby from the car to the bed, without waking up, he will wake from a car horn two blocks away.

11. Flus and ear infections will strike when you’re hours away from heading to the airport.

12. You will buy a swing, bouncy seat, play mat and any other imaginable “babysitter” in the hopes of allowing you five minutes of hands free time. But baby will still insist on only sleeping in your arms. While you bounce. And rock. And sway. While standing on one foot and singing the ABC’s backwards. In Spanish.

13. Your first will hate the Bumbo seat with a passion. You’ll grow to hate it, too. You’ll sell it and be thrilled to get it out of your house. Your second baby will try it out at a drop in and LOVE the crap out of it…

14. Baby, who isn’t a spitter-upper, will wait until the day you lay them on the couch for 1.35 seconds without a blanket under them to take the chance to projectile spit across four couch cushions.

15. You have a busy day and you’ve caved and told your toddler he can watch an episode of SuperWhy! (hey, it’s educational, right?!) and BAM. Netflix will be down.

16. The dog will decide to bark at NOTHING moments after baby goes down for a nap. And again once baby goes back to sleep.

17. When you put toys they no longer use into storage, they will suddenly search EVERYWHERE trying to find it.

18. You spend all week hyping up your weekend adventure you have planned for the family… And suddenly a tropical storm blows in and there’s a rain warning for the entire weekend and you can no longer do what you have planned.

19. Illnesses will always strike on long weekends. Especially those with fun events like Easter, Family Day and Canada Day.

20. A five minute craft will take ten minutes to set up and sixty minutes to clean up.

 

Do you have any to add?

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